FOUR SEASONS (by Elisabet)

When, back in 2006, I was diagnosed with breast cancer I couldn't believe it. I had been leading a healthy lifestyle: no smoking, no drinking, working full time but also finding the time to relax, to go to the gym, to swim, to go mountain trekking. I kept asking "Why? Why me?" There was no answer. I learnt the hard way that illness is a lottery, not only cancer, but other serious illnesses too, and that they can happen any time, to anyone. I was 36 then. After my surgery I was healed but had to undergo intensive chemotherapy. After taking some months to recover I went back to work and life became "normal" again.

Some time later, a colleague from work told me one day that she was feeling down because she turned 37 that day (she knew I had had breast cancer). I couldn't believe my ears and I said: "What? Isn't this what we all want? To get older? To become old and wrinkled but having every year the most precious gift of all: health?". She stared at me with round eyes, speechless for a while, and then she said: "How right you are! I think this is the wisest comment I've heard for a long time." I wasn't trying to make any wise comment, I was just speaking my mind.

January 2011: I was diagnosed with metastasis on my liver and some of my bones. This time was even harder. I thought I was going to die, but my oncologist gave me hope: "There is a treatment, you know? This is not the end". I was crying bitterly on her table, trying to retain her words, wanting to believe them, but fearing... scared to death.

I began to listen to my body, and my body told me nice things: it felt strong, it was getting ready for the fight again. I was 40. I was turning 41 the following month. I promised to myself and to my body that I would definitely celebrate my birthday the best I could. And so I did. I didn't shed a tear, I had a smile on my face all day and I embraced the congratulations from friends and relatives. The radiotherapy sessions for my right hip bones had ended successfully and a few days later I started a long chemotherapy treatment, which I am still undergoing with good results.

I indulge in my own meditations. The stronger my mind is, the stronger my body feels; the stronger my body is, the stronger my mind feels. It's a circle. And I follow my oncologist's advice all the way. She also wants what's best for me. Chemo is not a nice treatment, but it's the best we have nowadays. I may be on chemo for a year. The doctor tells me the longer, the better. And I think: "Yes, the longer I can live with good life quality, the better". So let's go on with chemo. I don't mind, I feel all right... I feel safe.

Coming from a country where we enjoy the four seasons of the year, when I came across the following quote by Albert Camus in a bookstore it meant so much... I always bear it in mind:

"In the toughest Winter I could finally learn that inside me there is an invincible Summer".