Once I heard in a film that one of the best things that can happen to us in life is: friends... best friends.
After our dear friend's passing, this seems to be confirmed day after day. A friend said that she thinks YS made us better humans; another friend said that YS has changed his life for the better; and many, many friends say that she keeps living in all of us.
Certainly, when a beloved person passes away we seem to suddenly re-learn everything that person taught us, not directly, but in the way that person lived life. The homage we can pay now to our friend is to keep remembering her, to keep talking about her outstanding human values to the others, and never stop learning from her. To let her accompany us in our daily lives.
It is not about looking back with melancholy, or nostalgia. Of course there is a sweet nostalgia, but let it be sweet, not sad, not despair. Even though I live the present fully, many times in my life I've looked back only to find renewed strength to keep going, to keep fitghting, to treasure the present even more, to not feel regrets for what I don't have and to feel happy for what I have... here, now.
My smile has come back spontaneously to my face, I keep my own battle going, I feel the warmth of so many people... I'm happy to be on my oral chemo and have little side effects, apart from some fatigue. I keep eating, breathing, walking... enjoying life!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Thank you
I would like to thank all of you who have been so supportive these past few days, either by leaving a comment, by just reading my posts, and by other means. It's meant a lot to me and you've made me feel comforted and in good company, so I have not been left alone with my grief. Also my gratitude to the people who are physically close to me for your constant support.
So, thank you to all of you who are close to me physically or virtually.
I've been thinking a lot about all of you, too, who regarded Yin San as a best and most supportive friend. You are all in my mind and also, in a very special way, her father and her sister.
I was browsing through a little book which YS gave me, and it's been just now when I've found a quote in it that had passed unnoticed to me before. It is by Helen Keller, and it so well applies to YS, as this is what she did all the way... and what I'm ready to do, as well. Let's keep the fight going!
"I am only one. But still I am one.
I cannot do everything but still I can do something.
I will not refuse to do the something I can do."
Helen Keller
So, thank you to all of you who are close to me physically or virtually.
I've been thinking a lot about all of you, too, who regarded Yin San as a best and most supportive friend. You are all in my mind and also, in a very special way, her father and her sister.
I was browsing through a little book which YS gave me, and it's been just now when I've found a quote in it that had passed unnoticed to me before. It is by Helen Keller, and it so well applies to YS, as this is what she did all the way... and what I'm ready to do, as well. Let's keep the fight going!
"I am only one. But still I am one.
I cannot do everything but still I can do something.
I will not refuse to do the something I can do."
Helen Keller
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Letter to a deceased best friend
Hello to everybody, a sad hello today... This is Elisabet writing...
This is the most difficult post I've ever written... a post I thought I would never write...
but words seem to be flowing straight from my heart and I cannot contain them.
It is for you, dearest Yin San... and also for all our supportive friends and relatives.
My dearest friend and team mate,
(you told me once that I am your team mate, as we brave this journey together, and you also said that we have a similar outlook to life... I could do nothing but agree with you, as I feel the same).
The afternoon you passed away it was a mild, sunny Winter morning in my hometown. It was as if the Sun, the Moon, the stars, and the whole sky were smiling at you to make your journey easier and smooth. It comforts me to know that you had a peaceful passing.
Taking into account the time difference between our countries, today I realised I was slowly waking up from a peaceful night sleep at the same time when you were slowly and peacefully falling asleep forever... I remember I looked out the window and thought: "It is a sunny day, Yin San".
I still didn't know... I still didn't know that you....
Little can be said when the grief of all of us who love you and whom you love is so deep... and yet I wish to tell you that you will continue living in all of us... you will continue living in me, in my everyday actions, as you are part of me, I'll keep talking about you to my friends and family. I'll keep telling them about your good qualities, your humanity, your generosity, your intelligence, your optimism, your courage... you are such a good example to follow...
I will keep fighting my own fight against cancer because I want to, and because this is what YOU would like me to do. And, like you, I'm never going to give up. I just wish a peaceful passing for myself too, when my time comes.I will keep writing in OUR blog because this is your wish, too... so I'll do it especially for you, secretely wishing that you will keep reading me, somehow...
I can still hear your words ringing in my head: "Keep strong", "Keep fighting", "Let's keep our dreams and hopes alive", "Enjoy life", and... "Keep your smile... keep your smile... keep your smile..."
I will do all this as long as I can. I will do it for myself, for my beloved ones, but let me tell you that I will do it most especially...
FOR YOU
I can hear you, my friend,
Telling me that I should smile,
But today I need to cry...
The pain's so deep inside
That I need to cry today
To wash my pain away...
Tomorrow I will smile,
But not today, my friend,
I know you'll understand,
Tomorrow should be a better day...
This is the most difficult post I've ever written... a post I thought I would never write...
but words seem to be flowing straight from my heart and I cannot contain them.
It is for you, dearest Yin San... and also for all our supportive friends and relatives.
My dearest friend and team mate,
(you told me once that I am your team mate, as we brave this journey together, and you also said that we have a similar outlook to life... I could do nothing but agree with you, as I feel the same).
The afternoon you passed away it was a mild, sunny Winter morning in my hometown. It was as if the Sun, the Moon, the stars, and the whole sky were smiling at you to make your journey easier and smooth. It comforts me to know that you had a peaceful passing.
Taking into account the time difference between our countries, today I realised I was slowly waking up from a peaceful night sleep at the same time when you were slowly and peacefully falling asleep forever... I remember I looked out the window and thought: "It is a sunny day, Yin San".
I still didn't know... I still didn't know that you....
Little can be said when the grief of all of us who love you and whom you love is so deep... and yet I wish to tell you that you will continue living in all of us... you will continue living in me, in my everyday actions, as you are part of me, I'll keep talking about you to my friends and family. I'll keep telling them about your good qualities, your humanity, your generosity, your intelligence, your optimism, your courage... you are such a good example to follow...
I will keep fighting my own fight against cancer because I want to, and because this is what YOU would like me to do. And, like you, I'm never going to give up. I just wish a peaceful passing for myself too, when my time comes.I will keep writing in OUR blog because this is your wish, too... so I'll do it especially for you, secretely wishing that you will keep reading me, somehow...
I can still hear your words ringing in my head: "Keep strong", "Keep fighting", "Let's keep our dreams and hopes alive", "Enjoy life", and... "Keep your smile... keep your smile... keep your smile..."
I will do all this as long as I can. I will do it for myself, for my beloved ones, but let me tell you that I will do it most especially...
FOR YOU
I can hear you, my friend,
Telling me that I should smile,
But today I need to cry...
The pain's so deep inside
That I need to cry today
To wash my pain away...
Tomorrow I will smile,
But not today, my friend,
I know you'll understand,
Tomorrow should be a better day...
Friday, December 28, 2012
Welcome 2013! We survive End of The World!
Hello to everybody! Yinsan asks me to help her publish her updates on the blog. I feel honored and happy to fulfill her wish. So here below I transcribe Yinsan's message to all of you.
And also my very best wishes for everybody for New Year 2013!
Elisabet.
--------------
(Yinsan speaking):
I am now using the wheel chair to move around for the first time in my life, (which my friends call it my Mercedes Benz for my Christmas present). I am mentally strong and spiritually high and in good hands.
Now, I have a 24-hour helper and a nurse who comes in every morning. I went for 10 times radiotherapy to help solve my double vision problem, but has not recovered yet.
I am on alternative treatment, for example, taking Chinese traditional medicine, juicing, brushing, head combing and Zapping! instead of chemotherapy.
Happy New Year to all!
And also my very best wishes for everybody for New Year 2013!
Elisabet.
--------------
(Yinsan speaking):
I am now using the wheel chair to move around for the first time in my life, (which my friends call it my Mercedes Benz for my Christmas present). I am mentally strong and spiritually high and in good hands.
Now, I have a 24-hour helper and a nurse who comes in every morning. I went for 10 times radiotherapy to help solve my double vision problem, but has not recovered yet.
I am on alternative treatment, for example, taking Chinese traditional medicine, juicing, brushing, head combing and Zapping! instead of chemotherapy.
Happy New Year to all!
Friday, December 21, 2012
Fundraising for cancer (by Elisabet)
Note: I decide to write with bigger font size, so it's easier for YS to read, as she is having some problem with her vision, as she said in her comment two posts before.
Every year by mid-December the Catalan public TV shows a 15-hour programme called Marató (Marathon) on a Sunday to raise funds to fight against an illness. Many volunteers answer the hundreds of phones installed for the purpose to attend the many people who call to make their donations. Simultaneously, all kinds of events take place in many villages and cities all over Catalonia: singing, dancing, theatre performances, cooking, races, all kinds of sports... popular activities open to everybody in which children, adults, old people, whole families take part. All the money gathered from the tickets sold goes entirely for the cause. Even a CD and a book are published, where the singers and writers participate without receiving any money. Again, all the money coming from the selling of the CDs and the books goes entirely for the cause.
This year the aim was the fight against cancer, all types of cancer; all the money going entirely for biomedical research so that research centers and hospitals can start new projects to know more about the behavior of tumors and, therefore, be able to develop new medicines and specific treatments for each type of tumor, to make drugs more effective and with less side effects. It's what nowadays is called "personalized treatments" and the aim is to prevent metastases from happening and, in case they happen, turn them into chronic diseases.
What's been really amazing is that after 20 years doing this fundraising programme this has been the record year. Never before so much money had been raised. Taking into account that most of the donations come from the anonymous population and given the present context of economic crisis with such high unemployment rates, the effort made by the people and the solidarity derived from such effort is something really touching, deeply moving and admirable.
The amount raised to date is 10.113.152 Euro and, as donations can be made until end of March 2013, it can get even higher.
This gives us who suffer from this terrible illness big doses of hope, but also for those who will come after us; for my hope and my wish is that the people who suffer from cancer in future have much more chances of healing and that they don't have to bear so many side effects. So, less physical and psychological suffering.
Another positive aspect is that nowadays it doesn't matter where the research is being done: when the results come they will be shared by doctors and hospitals all over the world, so the new treatments will reach more and more people.
Things like these reinforce my trust in humanity, in society, and I'm happy to know that when it comes to serious matters, such important human values as solidarity are still there, like beautiful stars shining bright with the light of generosity.
Every year by mid-December the Catalan public TV shows a 15-hour programme called Marató (Marathon) on a Sunday to raise funds to fight against an illness. Many volunteers answer the hundreds of phones installed for the purpose to attend the many people who call to make their donations. Simultaneously, all kinds of events take place in many villages and cities all over Catalonia: singing, dancing, theatre performances, cooking, races, all kinds of sports... popular activities open to everybody in which children, adults, old people, whole families take part. All the money gathered from the tickets sold goes entirely for the cause. Even a CD and a book are published, where the singers and writers participate without receiving any money. Again, all the money coming from the selling of the CDs and the books goes entirely for the cause.
This year the aim was the fight against cancer, all types of cancer; all the money going entirely for biomedical research so that research centers and hospitals can start new projects to know more about the behavior of tumors and, therefore, be able to develop new medicines and specific treatments for each type of tumor, to make drugs more effective and with less side effects. It's what nowadays is called "personalized treatments" and the aim is to prevent metastases from happening and, in case they happen, turn them into chronic diseases.
What's been really amazing is that after 20 years doing this fundraising programme this has been the record year. Never before so much money had been raised. Taking into account that most of the donations come from the anonymous population and given the present context of economic crisis with such high unemployment rates, the effort made by the people and the solidarity derived from such effort is something really touching, deeply moving and admirable.
The amount raised to date is 10.113.152 Euro and, as donations can be made until end of March 2013, it can get even higher.
This gives us who suffer from this terrible illness big doses of hope, but also for those who will come after us; for my hope and my wish is that the people who suffer from cancer in future have much more chances of healing and that they don't have to bear so many side effects. So, less physical and psychological suffering.
Another positive aspect is that nowadays it doesn't matter where the research is being done: when the results come they will be shared by doctors and hospitals all over the world, so the new treatments will reach more and more people.
Things like these reinforce my trust in humanity, in society, and I'm happy to know that when it comes to serious matters, such important human values as solidarity are still there, like beautiful stars shining bright with the light of generosity.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
A quote (by Elisabet)
I wish to share the following quote about optimism which I find inspiring. I'm translating it from a translation; my apologies if some words are not the same as in the original, but I'm sure the meaning is fully conveyed:
" No pessimist has ever discovered the secret of the stars, or has sailed accross unknown seas, or has opened a new door to the human spirit."
Helen Keller
In case someone wants to know more about her:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Keller
Monday, December 3, 2012
Sizes and statistics (by Elisabet)
When I was diagnosed with metastasis of my breast cancer two years ago I was told by my oncologist that the most threatening were my liver lesions. I was told that I had to undergo a long-term chemo treatment because the toxicity produced by the tumors in my liver might go to my brain and cause sudden death. Luckily, that didn't happen. It was only some months later (when the lesions had reduced more than 50% their size) when the doctor told me the initial size of my 2 liver lesions: 45 mm. and almost 60 mm. diameter. They were really big, so big they even touched each other and melted into each other. Of course I was frightened, but then I said to myself that I was not going to worry about sizes.
The same applies for statistics. I simply don't care about them. Of course they are useful to doctors, to science... useful for further research. So that's good, statistics need to be taken into account by the professionals in these areas, but not by me. As a cancer patient, I leave this task to the doctors and researchers. My job is to focus on myself, body and mind, my job is to keep alive, to try to wake up everyday with a smile... my job is to take the prescribed drugs (I'm on oral chemo now), to undergo the necessary tests and scans, and to just live.
One of the many things that make me feel alive is to write and, to my surprise, writing in this blog has become therapeutic for me. I write not only to express myself, but also in the hope that at least some of my writings can inspire and be of some help for those who read them with patience and understanding. I also write out of deep friendship for the creator of this blog, who is one of my best companions in this journey and whose courage and optimism are so inspiring and so important to me.
The same applies for statistics. I simply don't care about them. Of course they are useful to doctors, to science... useful for further research. So that's good, statistics need to be taken into account by the professionals in these areas, but not by me. As a cancer patient, I leave this task to the doctors and researchers. My job is to focus on myself, body and mind, my job is to keep alive, to try to wake up everyday with a smile... my job is to take the prescribed drugs (I'm on oral chemo now), to undergo the necessary tests and scans, and to just live.
One of the many things that make me feel alive is to write and, to my surprise, writing in this blog has become therapeutic for me. I write not only to express myself, but also in the hope that at least some of my writings can inspire and be of some help for those who read them with patience and understanding. I also write out of deep friendship for the creator of this blog, who is one of my best companions in this journey and whose courage and optimism are so inspiring and so important to me.
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