It is very important for me to feel the warmth of the people close to me (physically and virtually). It is important to feel their support, to know that they are there, that they think about me and wish me well.
During all this time (a little more than two years now) dealing with the metastasis of my breast cancer I've also realised how important it is that these same people feel my warmth, as well. When I can help a family member or a friend to go on an errand... when I call them and tell them I'm ok and I show an interest about their health, work, life in general... when they ask me for advise and my advise is helpful to them... all these things make me very happy. I also like to talk with them about many different things, and sometimes I just don't mention cancer, or treatment; I just tell them I'm fine and then we start talking about other things, more interesting, and also healing :) :) :)
For me, it is as important to feel the warmth from those close to me, as that they can feel my warmth, too.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Good news
Let me update you about my physical condition. I know our dear YS would be happy to read this. It's almost one month since her passing and after all the sorrow and pain she would be glad to read some good news on my side.
I went to the doctor who is the specialist in tumors in the bones. He is a surgeon and he sometimes does preventive surgery to patients who have a risk of fracture of their femur. Well, after all the check-ups and, as the oral chemo is working well on me, he doesn't see this risk, so no need to go for this surgery. My hip bones and femurs are still strong. He asked me how much I can walk and I told him I can walk for one hour with no problem; better in flat areas, not uphill or downhill, not to force too much, and I usually use the stick; again, not to force too much and as a preventive from stumbling and falling. However, there are days when I need to lie down on my bed for 2 or 3 hours during daytime, to let all the bone structure rest, especially if there's slight pain. He said I'm doing it very well. And the other good news is that I don't need radiotherapy on my left femur. At least not yet, we'll see the evolution, but by now the oral chemo is enough.
He also said that in my case there are two possible types of bone metastasis: the one that eats up bone and the one that builds up bone. In my left femur I have the second type, which is better because instead of destroying bone I'm creating some. So, I'm creative even in my tumors! So, good news and just happy to live and to keep the fight going.
I went to the doctor who is the specialist in tumors in the bones. He is a surgeon and he sometimes does preventive surgery to patients who have a risk of fracture of their femur. Well, after all the check-ups and, as the oral chemo is working well on me, he doesn't see this risk, so no need to go for this surgery. My hip bones and femurs are still strong. He asked me how much I can walk and I told him I can walk for one hour with no problem; better in flat areas, not uphill or downhill, not to force too much, and I usually use the stick; again, not to force too much and as a preventive from stumbling and falling. However, there are days when I need to lie down on my bed for 2 or 3 hours during daytime, to let all the bone structure rest, especially if there's slight pain. He said I'm doing it very well. And the other good news is that I don't need radiotherapy on my left femur. At least not yet, we'll see the evolution, but by now the oral chemo is enough.
He also said that in my case there are two possible types of bone metastasis: the one that eats up bone and the one that builds up bone. In my left femur I have the second type, which is better because instead of destroying bone I'm creating some. So, I'm creative even in my tumors! So, good news and just happy to live and to keep the fight going.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Looking for you
In my previous blog entry I removed a comment by "tasy" accidentally.
I don't know if "tasy" is a real name or a nickname, and I don't know how to contact you.
So, dear Tasy, I hope you keep following this blog and can place your comment again, as it contained a link to a very nice letter you wrote to our dear deceased friend, after you learnt about her passing. As you can see, I replied to your comment almost immediately, as I liked it very much. But I removed it by mistake, while I was doing something else, and now I cannot retrieve it.
So if you read this post, please forgive me and I kindly ask you to place your comment with the nice letter again.
Thank you... Elisabet
I don't know if "tasy" is a real name or a nickname, and I don't know how to contact you.
So, dear Tasy, I hope you keep following this blog and can place your comment again, as it contained a link to a very nice letter you wrote to our dear deceased friend, after you learnt about her passing. As you can see, I replied to your comment almost immediately, as I liked it very much. But I removed it by mistake, while I was doing something else, and now I cannot retrieve it.
So if you read this post, please forgive me and I kindly ask you to place your comment with the nice letter again.
Thank you... Elisabet
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Friends
Once I heard in a film that one of the best things that can happen to us in life is: friends... best friends.
After our dear friend's passing, this seems to be confirmed day after day. A friend said that she thinks YS made us better humans; another friend said that YS has changed his life for the better; and many, many friends say that she keeps living in all of us.
Certainly, when a beloved person passes away we seem to suddenly re-learn everything that person taught us, not directly, but in the way that person lived life. The homage we can pay now to our friend is to keep remembering her, to keep talking about her outstanding human values to the others, and never stop learning from her. To let her accompany us in our daily lives.
It is not about looking back with melancholy, or nostalgia. Of course there is a sweet nostalgia, but let it be sweet, not sad, not despair. Even though I live the present fully, many times in my life I've looked back only to find renewed strength to keep going, to keep fitghting, to treasure the present even more, to not feel regrets for what I don't have and to feel happy for what I have... here, now.
My smile has come back spontaneously to my face, I keep my own battle going, I feel the warmth of so many people... I'm happy to be on my oral chemo and have little side effects, apart from some fatigue. I keep eating, breathing, walking... enjoying life!
After our dear friend's passing, this seems to be confirmed day after day. A friend said that she thinks YS made us better humans; another friend said that YS has changed his life for the better; and many, many friends say that she keeps living in all of us.
Certainly, when a beloved person passes away we seem to suddenly re-learn everything that person taught us, not directly, but in the way that person lived life. The homage we can pay now to our friend is to keep remembering her, to keep talking about her outstanding human values to the others, and never stop learning from her. To let her accompany us in our daily lives.
It is not about looking back with melancholy, or nostalgia. Of course there is a sweet nostalgia, but let it be sweet, not sad, not despair. Even though I live the present fully, many times in my life I've looked back only to find renewed strength to keep going, to keep fitghting, to treasure the present even more, to not feel regrets for what I don't have and to feel happy for what I have... here, now.
My smile has come back spontaneously to my face, I keep my own battle going, I feel the warmth of so many people... I'm happy to be on my oral chemo and have little side effects, apart from some fatigue. I keep eating, breathing, walking... enjoying life!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Thank you
I would like to thank all of you who have been so supportive these past few days, either by leaving a comment, by just reading my posts, and by other means. It's meant a lot to me and you've made me feel comforted and in good company, so I have not been left alone with my grief. Also my gratitude to the people who are physically close to me for your constant support.
So, thank you to all of you who are close to me physically or virtually.
I've been thinking a lot about all of you, too, who regarded Yin San as a best and most supportive friend. You are all in my mind and also, in a very special way, her father and her sister.
I was browsing through a little book which YS gave me, and it's been just now when I've found a quote in it that had passed unnoticed to me before. It is by Helen Keller, and it so well applies to YS, as this is what she did all the way... and what I'm ready to do, as well. Let's keep the fight going!
"I am only one. But still I am one.
I cannot do everything but still I can do something.
I will not refuse to do the something I can do."
Helen Keller
So, thank you to all of you who are close to me physically or virtually.
I've been thinking a lot about all of you, too, who regarded Yin San as a best and most supportive friend. You are all in my mind and also, in a very special way, her father and her sister.
I was browsing through a little book which YS gave me, and it's been just now when I've found a quote in it that had passed unnoticed to me before. It is by Helen Keller, and it so well applies to YS, as this is what she did all the way... and what I'm ready to do, as well. Let's keep the fight going!
"I am only one. But still I am one.
I cannot do everything but still I can do something.
I will not refuse to do the something I can do."
Helen Keller
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Letter to a deceased best friend
Hello to everybody, a sad hello today... This is Elisabet writing...
This is the most difficult post I've ever written... a post I thought I would never write...
but words seem to be flowing straight from my heart and I cannot contain them.
It is for you, dearest Yin San... and also for all our supportive friends and relatives.
My dearest friend and team mate,
(you told me once that I am your team mate, as we brave this journey together, and you also said that we have a similar outlook to life... I could do nothing but agree with you, as I feel the same).
The afternoon you passed away it was a mild, sunny Winter morning in my hometown. It was as if the Sun, the Moon, the stars, and the whole sky were smiling at you to make your journey easier and smooth. It comforts me to know that you had a peaceful passing.
Taking into account the time difference between our countries, today I realised I was slowly waking up from a peaceful night sleep at the same time when you were slowly and peacefully falling asleep forever... I remember I looked out the window and thought: "It is a sunny day, Yin San".
I still didn't know... I still didn't know that you....
Little can be said when the grief of all of us who love you and whom you love is so deep... and yet I wish to tell you that you will continue living in all of us... you will continue living in me, in my everyday actions, as you are part of me, I'll keep talking about you to my friends and family. I'll keep telling them about your good qualities, your humanity, your generosity, your intelligence, your optimism, your courage... you are such a good example to follow...
I will keep fighting my own fight against cancer because I want to, and because this is what YOU would like me to do. And, like you, I'm never going to give up. I just wish a peaceful passing for myself too, when my time comes.I will keep writing in OUR blog because this is your wish, too... so I'll do it especially for you, secretely wishing that you will keep reading me, somehow...
I can still hear your words ringing in my head: "Keep strong", "Keep fighting", "Let's keep our dreams and hopes alive", "Enjoy life", and... "Keep your smile... keep your smile... keep your smile..."
I will do all this as long as I can. I will do it for myself, for my beloved ones, but let me tell you that I will do it most especially...
FOR YOU
I can hear you, my friend,
Telling me that I should smile,
But today I need to cry...
The pain's so deep inside
That I need to cry today
To wash my pain away...
Tomorrow I will smile,
But not today, my friend,
I know you'll understand,
Tomorrow should be a better day...
This is the most difficult post I've ever written... a post I thought I would never write...
but words seem to be flowing straight from my heart and I cannot contain them.
It is for you, dearest Yin San... and also for all our supportive friends and relatives.
My dearest friend and team mate,
(you told me once that I am your team mate, as we brave this journey together, and you also said that we have a similar outlook to life... I could do nothing but agree with you, as I feel the same).
The afternoon you passed away it was a mild, sunny Winter morning in my hometown. It was as if the Sun, the Moon, the stars, and the whole sky were smiling at you to make your journey easier and smooth. It comforts me to know that you had a peaceful passing.
Taking into account the time difference between our countries, today I realised I was slowly waking up from a peaceful night sleep at the same time when you were slowly and peacefully falling asleep forever... I remember I looked out the window and thought: "It is a sunny day, Yin San".
I still didn't know... I still didn't know that you....
Little can be said when the grief of all of us who love you and whom you love is so deep... and yet I wish to tell you that you will continue living in all of us... you will continue living in me, in my everyday actions, as you are part of me, I'll keep talking about you to my friends and family. I'll keep telling them about your good qualities, your humanity, your generosity, your intelligence, your optimism, your courage... you are such a good example to follow...
I will keep fighting my own fight against cancer because I want to, and because this is what YOU would like me to do. And, like you, I'm never going to give up. I just wish a peaceful passing for myself too, when my time comes.I will keep writing in OUR blog because this is your wish, too... so I'll do it especially for you, secretely wishing that you will keep reading me, somehow...
I can still hear your words ringing in my head: "Keep strong", "Keep fighting", "Let's keep our dreams and hopes alive", "Enjoy life", and... "Keep your smile... keep your smile... keep your smile..."
I will do all this as long as I can. I will do it for myself, for my beloved ones, but let me tell you that I will do it most especially...
FOR YOU
I can hear you, my friend,
Telling me that I should smile,
But today I need to cry...
The pain's so deep inside
That I need to cry today
To wash my pain away...
Tomorrow I will smile,
But not today, my friend,
I know you'll understand,
Tomorrow should be a better day...
Friday, December 28, 2012
Welcome 2013! We survive End of The World!
Hello to everybody! Yinsan asks me to help her publish her updates on the blog. I feel honored and happy to fulfill her wish. So here below I transcribe Yinsan's message to all of you.
And also my very best wishes for everybody for New Year 2013!
Elisabet.
--------------
(Yinsan speaking):
I am now using the wheel chair to move around for the first time in my life, (which my friends call it my Mercedes Benz for my Christmas present). I am mentally strong and spiritually high and in good hands.
Now, I have a 24-hour helper and a nurse who comes in every morning. I went for 10 times radiotherapy to help solve my double vision problem, but has not recovered yet.
I am on alternative treatment, for example, taking Chinese traditional medicine, juicing, brushing, head combing and Zapping! instead of chemotherapy.
Happy New Year to all!
And also my very best wishes for everybody for New Year 2013!
Elisabet.
--------------
(Yinsan speaking):
I am now using the wheel chair to move around for the first time in my life, (which my friends call it my Mercedes Benz for my Christmas present). I am mentally strong and spiritually high and in good hands.
Now, I have a 24-hour helper and a nurse who comes in every morning. I went for 10 times radiotherapy to help solve my double vision problem, but has not recovered yet.
I am on alternative treatment, for example, taking Chinese traditional medicine, juicing, brushing, head combing and Zapping! instead of chemotherapy.
Happy New Year to all!
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