Guess the side effect of chemo started to kick in. Had wrist pain on my right hand yesterday, which got worse, now the lower arm, especially along the veins where they injected Navelbine.
Even if there is pain, life goes on, and I completely accept and love myself.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Doctor asked me for an answer
Had low white blood count again yesterday, so got granucytes shots and no chemo. Even though my count was too low (2.9 instead of normal 3.5), my doctor was rather unhappy, and asked me what's wrong. A recap of what happened, from my memory(so, some of these could be slightly modified according to my interpretation).
Q = questions from the doctor, A = my answer
Q "Is there shortage of salt in Penang?" (my sodium level is low)
Q "How many chemo have you got?"
A "2 Herceptin and 3 Navelbine"
Q "How many granucytes have you got?" (granucytes is to boost the white blood cells)
A "3, 1 after the 1st Herceptin and 2 after the 2nd Navelbine"
Q "How many cycles of chemo did you get the last time?"
A "6 cycles"
Q "And how many granucytes did you get"
A "On average 1 to 2 for each cycle"
Q "And do you know what it is?"
A "TC" (T=Taxotere, C=Caboplatin, I think and this combination is much stronger than Navelbine)
Q "So, tell me why is it that you have this result with this mildest form of chemo? Herceptin and Navelbine is not suppose to give you this" (he does not expect much side effects or low white blood count, not even hair loss, and so far none yet)
A "I don't know"
Q "Chinese always say don't eat chicken, or eat this herbs and that, what have you been eating?"(and he even asked my dad to verify)
A "The usual, fish, vegetables, fruits"
He showed me some nice powerpoint about cancer cell, and explained that HER2, is only one of the factor, as there are many other factors demonstrated by complicated lines, symbols etc.
Q "Your blood results show that your body is not ready to fight, and you have to ask yourself what's wrong. It's important to have a strong mind to fight. Cancer cell is also your own cell. You have to teach the cells(the good cells to grow and the bad ones not to grow) and control them. I can only give you the best option but I don't have the answer for you. You have to tell me the answer."
A "I have to find the answer"
Q "Am I giving you more stress? You have to learn how to manage stress"
A "Yes, doctor."
Q "Any question?"
A "No, doctor"
This is not the first time, as I had low WBC before. And I have tried the following:
1) eat healthy
2) sleep early
3) practice guoling qi gong, about 1 hour daily
4) take basil leave (heard it helps)
5) do some tapping(EFT)
Will have my blood tested tomorrow.
Q = questions from the doctor, A = my answer
Q "Is there shortage of salt in Penang?" (my sodium level is low)
Q "How many chemo have you got?"
A "2 Herceptin and 3 Navelbine"
Q "How many granucytes have you got?" (granucytes is to boost the white blood cells)
A "3, 1 after the 1st Herceptin and 2 after the 2nd Navelbine"
Q "How many cycles of chemo did you get the last time?"
A "6 cycles"
Q "And how many granucytes did you get"
A "On average 1 to 2 for each cycle"
Q "And do you know what it is?"
A "TC" (T=Taxotere, C=Caboplatin, I think and this combination is much stronger than Navelbine)
Q "So, tell me why is it that you have this result with this mildest form of chemo? Herceptin and Navelbine is not suppose to give you this" (he does not expect much side effects or low white blood count, not even hair loss, and so far none yet)
A "I don't know"
Q "Chinese always say don't eat chicken, or eat this herbs and that, what have you been eating?"(and he even asked my dad to verify)
A "The usual, fish, vegetables, fruits"
He showed me some nice powerpoint about cancer cell, and explained that HER2, is only one of the factor, as there are many other factors demonstrated by complicated lines, symbols etc.
Q "Your blood results show that your body is not ready to fight, and you have to ask yourself what's wrong. It's important to have a strong mind to fight. Cancer cell is also your own cell. You have to teach the cells(the good cells to grow and the bad ones not to grow) and control them. I can only give you the best option but I don't have the answer for you. You have to tell me the answer."
A "I have to find the answer"
Q "Am I giving you more stress? You have to learn how to manage stress"
A "Yes, doctor."
Q "Any question?"
A "No, doctor"
This is not the first time, as I had low WBC before. And I have tried the following:
1) eat healthy
2) sleep early
3) practice guoling qi gong, about 1 hour daily
4) take basil leave (heard it helps)
5) do some tapping(EFT)
Will have my blood tested tomorrow.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Round 2 of Herceptin tomorrow
Blood test showed low white blood count, so just got another booster today, and scheduled for chemo and herceptin tomorrow. As usual, having bone ache but bearable.
Asked my doctor about having genetic test(BRCA1&2), and his advice was to take care of myself for now, and to educate my family members, relatives and friends to do monthly breast examination. Even if I happen to have strong gene which falls under high risk group, the result may just further add mental worries, because the preventive measure was for me to remove my breast, and probably ovary too.
It's hard to answer hypothetical question, but if I were to know before that I would definitely have cancer(like now), I probably would remove my breast, so that I do not have to worry about cancer treatment like chemo, radio, etc. However, how would we know if cancer will develop in our life time, and while it will reduce the risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer to zero, it does not guarantee that cancer cell will not develop in other organs.
On second thought, without knowing if I will have cancer later, just because I have higher risk of cancer, would I really remove my breast as preventive measure? Sounds outrageous, as the surgery (and the gene test) is not be covered by insurance!
So, my conclusion is to deal with cancer as it comes, instead of having to worry about it.
For now, let me focus on round 2 tomorrow...
Asked my doctor about having genetic test(BRCA1&2), and his advice was to take care of myself for now, and to educate my family members, relatives and friends to do monthly breast examination. Even if I happen to have strong gene which falls under high risk group, the result may just further add mental worries, because the preventive measure was for me to remove my breast, and probably ovary too.
It's hard to answer hypothetical question, but if I were to know before that I would definitely have cancer(like now), I probably would remove my breast, so that I do not have to worry about cancer treatment like chemo, radio, etc. However, how would we know if cancer will develop in our life time, and while it will reduce the risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer to zero, it does not guarantee that cancer cell will not develop in other organs.
On second thought, without knowing if I will have cancer later, just because I have higher risk of cancer, would I really remove my breast as preventive measure? Sounds outrageous, as the surgery (and the gene test) is not be covered by insurance!
So, my conclusion is to deal with cancer as it comes, instead of having to worry about it.
For now, let me focus on round 2 tomorrow...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Grieving and Healing
When we lose someone, when things do not work out the way we want them to, when we hear bad news, when our mind and body receive unpleasant messages, we may need time to grieve, and grieving may not happen immediately. Sometimes, grieving is delayed as we need to recover from shock, or postponed as we need to attend to other urgent matters, or suppressed as we want to move on quickly.
However, we should allow a time to grieve, as grieving is part of the healing process.
So, a moment, this is.
However, we should allow a time to grieve, as grieving is part of the healing process.
So, a moment, this is.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Granulocytes again
Low White Blood Count on Friday, and again today low WBC and Neutrophils so no chemo. Instead was given granulocyte booster to help stimulate the growth of white blood cells, so that can continue chemo tomorrow.
Doctors told me to eat like everyone else! Well, I eat fish, vege, grains, juice, grains, and minimize eating out. Also green tea, barley green, etc. Guess my body is just responding to the mildest form of chemo!
Hopefully no back ache tonight (side effect of granulocytes, as the bone marrow is stimulated to work hard).
Doctors told me to eat like everyone else! Well, I eat fish, vege, grains, juice, grains, and minimize eating out. Also green tea, barley green, etc. Guess my body is just responding to the mildest form of chemo!
Hopefully no back ache tonight (side effect of granulocytes, as the bone marrow is stimulated to work hard).
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Health Tips from a doctor
Went for a health talk in Lam Wah Ee, and the doctor gave some good tips :
身 Body
衣 Clothings - to protect/cover our body especially feet, knee and neck, as those are vulnerable entry points for "wind", wear socks to sleep
食 Food - to eat breakfast between 7-9am, lunch between 11-1pm, dinner between 6-8pm(eat less than lunch), with daily ration of 1 part meat, 2 part grains/bread/rice, 3 part fruits, 4 parts vegetable.
住 Living - good air circulation, light, clean, quiet
行 Activities - walk 10,000 steps a day, 3.5 hours of exercise
心（神） Mind
To keep a healthy mind and heart - don't keep sad/depressive things inside, but share your story with others, at the same time listen to others(so that you feel that yours isn't too bad, haha), also play games to exercise the mind, and spend time to relax(take a holiday), dance, sing, etc.
But what he said that made me laugh (in agreement) was that many cancer patients die not because of cancer, but because they were terrorized（被吓死） by the word cancer. This rings true because before I was diagnosed(the first round), I was perfectly healthy and when the diagnosis came, everything felt wrong, as if that every part of my body is suspicious. The second round, it was worse. I was also feeling great and having fun with life, and all of a sudden, everything felt wrong. The psychological effect was much greater than the physical aspect. Therefore, it is really important to keep a healthy mind. Right now, my mind is sane and satisfied, with the present moment, which is great.
身 Body
衣 Clothings - to protect/cover our body especially feet, knee and neck, as those are vulnerable entry points for "wind", wear socks to sleep
食 Food - to eat breakfast between 7-9am, lunch between 11-1pm, dinner between 6-8pm(eat less than lunch), with daily ration of 1 part meat, 2 part grains/bread/rice, 3 part fruits, 4 parts vegetable.
住 Living - good air circulation, light, clean, quiet
行 Activities - walk 10,000 steps a day, 3.5 hours of exercise
心（神） Mind
To keep a healthy mind and heart - don't keep sad/depressive things inside, but share your story with others, at the same time listen to others(so that you feel that yours isn't too bad, haha), also play games to exercise the mind, and spend time to relax(take a holiday), dance, sing, etc.
But what he said that made me laugh (in agreement) was that many cancer patients die not because of cancer, but because they were terrorized（被吓死） by the word cancer. This rings true because before I was diagnosed(the first round), I was perfectly healthy and when the diagnosis came, everything felt wrong, as if that every part of my body is suspicious. The second round, it was worse. I was also feeling great and having fun with life, and all of a sudden, everything felt wrong. The psychological effect was much greater than the physical aspect. Therefore, it is really important to keep a healthy mind. Right now, my mind is sane and satisfied, with the present moment, which is great.
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