Some colour (by Elisabet)

A few days ago I had a scan done on my pelvis and left femur for the doctors to determine the exact area where I will need radiotherapy.
I was in the tubular scan machine and I could see the wall in front of me, 4 or 5 meters away. There was a window through which I could see the computers, the doctor, and the nurse. A big grey rocket was painted on the wall in such a way that the window had become the window of the rocket, the background was dark blue, there was a planet painted on the left upper corner of the wall and below, by the side of the rocket, there was a green extraterrestrial being with funnels as ears, antennas on its head, and a smiling face.

Once the scan was over I told the nurse who was helping me stand up that I liked the painting. She said that it was made by volunteer people and it was meant for children, so that they are not so afraid when put into such a machine. But she added that it had an even more positive effect on adults. I said I totally agree.

I had some fun during the uncomfortable scan test. I imagined I was travelling in outer space, in my own spacecraft, when I came across that rocket (busy traffic, up there!) and through its window I could see the crew and some of their machines. I could see them and they could see me, as if we were all floating on space.

That painting on the wall added some colour to my day. Thank you to the anonymous people who make hospitals more friendly places for all.

Everyday is a gift (by Elisabet)

(transfered here from previous comment by Elisabet to my previous blog entry)

Why are tumors so stubborn that they keep coming uninvited?
It's been about two years now since my metastases started and I'm still here, too, to share this difficult journey with you.

In my case, when it started it was liver and right hip bones mets. My treatment worked, but now it's liver again, left hip and left femur, a spot on a rib, a spot on both humerus and a node somewhere in my thorax. I'm going to be given new drugs, too and I may need radio on my left femur at some point, as it's starting to hurt.
In the meantime I keep counting the blessings and being thankful to... to what? Life, yes, that's it! I'm thankful to life for all the good things, moments, experiences that has given me in the past and also thankful to life now to still be able to walk, to breathe, to enjoy food, to wake up every day and see the sun, the rain, the clouds... the little surprises.

I think that the more complicated our illness gets, the more we treasure the simple things.

If this is the journey that life had in store for us at least we can share it and fight it together. Life gave us the gift of our connection. Let's keep seeing every single day as a gift...

Scan Result 31/10/2012

My CT Scan yesterday last paragraph
"Impression:"
"Previous left mastectomy for breast carcinoma with increased size of brain metastases, but no evidence in the chest, abdomen or pelvis"
"Stable bony lesions at L1 and L5 vertebrae."
It means that my other parts are clear execept brain. I still have multiple lesions/tumors in the brain to sort out. In short, I am well so not to worry. If I could survive 3 years, I could last few more at least. my oncologist not happy with the result and he will give me chemo, maintain old drugs and prescribe new one. This time, no disagreement from me, so I just did chemo today.

Time to eat. Its a blessing that I found this vegetarian caterer (behind B-suite hotel) and dad will cook some fish or organic chicken to ensure I have some meat. 

Also thanks to friends who show concern about scan result. 

Physio therapy

Started physiotherapy, and has been working on it everyday. Lucky that I have a great personal therapist, my dad, who spends time assisting me to perform my routine exercise. So far, so good. I still limped but I know to swift my body weight to the left to strenthen it. i still have problem with left hand but by next week hopely i get strainer on the wrist to straighten it. Baby step. I'm sure babies progress faster on average but I'm now learning tricks to "unlearn" and "relearn" ways to control my motor functions. It's always fun to learn new things, or to learn old things(simple thing like walking) in a new way!

Time (by Elisabet)

Time (by Elisabet) I am beginning to think that living until the age of 40 and above is a miracle. Life-threatening diseases, natural disasters, road accidents, mountain accidents... take along with them so many young lives! A meteorologist, good person, good colleague, good professional, who had been working at the Catalan TV channel, TV3, for 16 years passed away at the beginning of July at the age of 40 due to a mountain accident, overnight. It was not an especially difficult hike, but a series of misfortunes wanted him to end his days on his beloved mountains. I didn't know him personally, but we were used to his presence in our homes, through the TV, while having lunch or dinner. He was someone so familiar, so enthusiastic, who would come often to update us about the weather; big issue, the ever-changing weather, in an area where we enjoy (and suffer!) the four seasons. Some days before this took place I had read the article on this blog dated June 22, 2012, where that nice comparison was made between mountain hikes and radiotherapy. My mind went immediately to it. While things like this happen we continue living. Cancer is a very strange illness; except for the most unfortunate cases in which the diagnosis takes place too late and the end comes too soon, it is an illness that gives us something we always longed for, or used to complain we never had enough, or we usually ran out of: time. Even with metastases we have learnt the hard way that there's still time ahead of us and we treasure it more than ever. We feel we are “buying time”, indeed. Cancer has given me a different perception of time, a way to discern what's really important from what's not. There's been a change in priorities and I stopped doing long-term planning. Now I do short-term and mid-term planning (short-term meaning tomorrow; mid-term meaning next week, next month). Not that I don't think about next year and the following years; I do it with hope, but not with the urgency to plan on anything. Cancer has taught me to slow down and at the same time to stop postponing things I had been wanting to do. They may be simple things such as watching that film, or reading that book, or bigger things provided my present situation allows me to do them. The meteorologist couldn't “buy” any extra time. Of course he was spared from the physical and psychological burden that an illness like cancer implies, but while he's already gone we are still here to share our thoughts and experiences, our stories, our side effects... here to enjoy life, to experience happiness in different ways that can be unexpectedly highly rewarding... here to fight, here to keep holding on to life like climbers holding on to the rocky mountain walls.

Free and Busy

When asked, what do you do with your free time? My answer could be "I don't have free time." or another way of interpreting could be "I am free all the time". Free time usually refers to time after work, free slots without fixed appointment. From the usual understanding, anyone who has no "fixed work" probably have lots of free time. More than ever, my time is spent living and healing, consciously deciding how i would spend my "free time", which is now. "Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans" - my favourite verse from a song. I am now using my free time to blog and to let everyone know that I'm happy to still be alive! I am now busy blogging to thank everyone for the encouragements and loves that fill up my live.

ct scan post whole brain radiotherapy

Well, CT scan showed "lesions in both cellebellar hemisphere are not measureable, appearing as poorly defined enhancing lesions." So, at least it's good news for now. Even though I am now getting slight numbness on my right fingers and toes, still working on recovering my motor skills, and most important of all, my constipation, at least it's comforting to know that there's no new lesion. Thank you for all your prayers, wishes, supports and encouragements!