They hv a new MRI machine. But it still sounded like war zone despite thir efffort to play music and covered my ears with headset.
Impression: " mutltiple cerebral and carebellar metastases in patient with known breast carcinoma with no significant change in the size of the metatases compared with recent c.t. scan of the bra9n, however, the smaller metastases are not appreciating on the previous c.t.scan"
Ambiguous? Detail reports showed I hv several tumors, the largest being 29x10mm on the right cerebellum. Anyway, these r just nembers.
Life definitely has its own way of teaching us lessons and having brain tumors has become part of it.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
A song about small things (by Elisabet)
Music is a good therapy. I came accross this song (I quote my favourite verses below and give the link in case someone is interested in listening to it; no video).
I was watching a TV documentary about a mountaineer running on the Alps, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the song could be heard on the background... Wow!
What is it that makes a song sound beautiful to the listener's ears? The melody? The lyrics? The context? The listener's mood? Probably a mixture of everything.
"If there's one thing that I've noticed
Out of all the things I've seen
Is that you can leave a footprint
In a place you've never been...
....
If there's one thing that I'm keeping
Out of all the things I've found
Is that the best way to be heard sometimes
Is not to make a sound...
....
If there's one thing that I'm sure of
Out of all the things I know
Is that you can keep on going fast
I'll still be going slow"...
...
From:
"Small Things" (The Audreys)
To listen to the song click on the words: "Listen while you read!"
http://www.songlyrics.com/the-audreys/small-things-lyrics/
I was watching a TV documentary about a mountaineer running on the Alps, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the song could be heard on the background... Wow!
What is it that makes a song sound beautiful to the listener's ears? The melody? The lyrics? The context? The listener's mood? Probably a mixture of everything.
"If there's one thing that I've noticed
Out of all the things I've seen
Is that you can leave a footprint
In a place you've never been...
....
If there's one thing that I'm keeping
Out of all the things I've found
Is that the best way to be heard sometimes
Is not to make a sound...
....
If there's one thing that I'm sure of
Out of all the things I know
Is that you can keep on going fast
I'll still be going slow"...
...
From:
"Small Things" (The Audreys)
To listen to the song click on the words: "Listen while you read!"
http://www.songlyrics.com/the-audreys/small-things-lyrics/
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Uphill with Hope (by Elisabet)
I am re-reading a book which I had read many years ago. There's a short sentence on one of its pages that didn't pass unnoticed back then, as I had drawn a thin line with a pencil on the side of the paragraph. It goes like this:
"If life is a journey, it is always a journey uphill."
We all have our own fights and certainly life tends to get complicated as years go by. Now that I have less health and more time, I sometimes indulge in my own thoughts and it occurred to me that there should be a reason for life being uphill. If we rush through life we may soon get tired, as it is tiresome to rush uphill. Maybe life is trying to teach us something: to slow down. In doing so we may be able to see beautiful small things to which we barely paid attention before. It's not necessary to suffer from an illness to put this into practice; we can do it in our busy daily lives... to slow down just a little every day. Every little drop counts and, even though life will continue to be a journey uphill, we will have learnt to stop and stare, to take deep breaths from time to time, and to continue walking uphill feeling invigorated, stronger, and full of hope. In doing so, in the long run we may improve our life as well as the lives of those around us.
It also occurred to me that I feel like an alchemist lately. It's not easy, it requires constant efforts, it's a hard task to turn the negative experiences (in this case related to cancer) into something positive or, at least, not so negative. But it can be done. It's just a question of keeping on trying, of never giving up, of never losing hope. So I keep trying, like an alchemist trying to turn lead into gold.
"If life is a journey, it is always a journey uphill."
We all have our own fights and certainly life tends to get complicated as years go by. Now that I have less health and more time, I sometimes indulge in my own thoughts and it occurred to me that there should be a reason for life being uphill. If we rush through life we may soon get tired, as it is tiresome to rush uphill. Maybe life is trying to teach us something: to slow down. In doing so we may be able to see beautiful small things to which we barely paid attention before. It's not necessary to suffer from an illness to put this into practice; we can do it in our busy daily lives... to slow down just a little every day. Every little drop counts and, even though life will continue to be a journey uphill, we will have learnt to stop and stare, to take deep breaths from time to time, and to continue walking uphill feeling invigorated, stronger, and full of hope. In doing so, in the long run we may improve our life as well as the lives of those around us.
It also occurred to me that I feel like an alchemist lately. It's not easy, it requires constant efforts, it's a hard task to turn the negative experiences (in this case related to cancer) into something positive or, at least, not so negative. But it can be done. It's just a question of keeping on trying, of never giving up, of never losing hope. So I keep trying, like an alchemist trying to turn lead into gold.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Welcome to our blog
Let me officially introduce Elisabet, who has been the guest author in this blog for a while now, and accept the co-authorship of this blog from here on. We met through a common friend some years ago, and reconnected - we had rather similar metastases, except I now also have tumors in my brain.
Throughout the journey, I have met many friends, some new, some old, some reconnected and so far all of you have been most supportive. Allow me to take a moment to ackowlege all of you who travel this journey with me.
Each of us have our life journey to complete(according to a teaching, one reincarnates and return to learn in future if one misses the lesson) and am very grateful to hv your support in this journey.
Throughout the journey, I have met many friends, some new, some old, some reconnected and so far all of you have been most supportive. Allow me to take a moment to ackowlege all of you who travel this journey with me.
Each of us have our life journey to complete(according to a teaching, one reincarnates and return to learn in future if one misses the lesson) and am very grateful to hv your support in this journey.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Some colour (by Elisabet)
A few days ago I had a scan done on my pelvis and left femur for the doctors to determine the exact area where I will need radiotherapy.
I was in the tubular scan machine and I could see the wall in front of me, 4 or 5 meters away. There was a window through which I could see the computers, the doctor, and the nurse. A big grey rocket was painted on the wall in such a way that the window had become the window of the rocket, the background was dark blue, there was a planet painted on the left upper corner of the wall and below, by the side of the rocket, there was a green extraterrestrial being with funnels as ears, antennas on its head, and a smiling face.
Once the scan was over I told the nurse who was helping me stand up that I liked the painting. She said that it was made by volunteer people and it was meant for children, so that they are not so afraid when put into such a machine. But she added that it had an even more positive effect on adults. I said I totally agree.
I had some fun during the uncomfortable scan test. I imagined I was travelling in outer space, in my own spacecraft, when I came across that rocket (busy traffic, up there!) and through its window I could see the crew and some of their machines. I could see them and they could see me, as if we were all floating on space.
That painting on the wall added some colour to my day. Thank you to the anonymous people who make hospitals more friendly places for all.
I was in the tubular scan machine and I could see the wall in front of me, 4 or 5 meters away. There was a window through which I could see the computers, the doctor, and the nurse. A big grey rocket was painted on the wall in such a way that the window had become the window of the rocket, the background was dark blue, there was a planet painted on the left upper corner of the wall and below, by the side of the rocket, there was a green extraterrestrial being with funnels as ears, antennas on its head, and a smiling face.
Once the scan was over I told the nurse who was helping me stand up that I liked the painting. She said that it was made by volunteer people and it was meant for children, so that they are not so afraid when put into such a machine. But she added that it had an even more positive effect on adults. I said I totally agree.
I had some fun during the uncomfortable scan test. I imagined I was travelling in outer space, in my own spacecraft, when I came across that rocket (busy traffic, up there!) and through its window I could see the crew and some of their machines. I could see them and they could see me, as if we were all floating on space.
That painting on the wall added some colour to my day. Thank you to the anonymous people who make hospitals more friendly places for all.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Everyday is a gift (by Elisabet)
(transfered here from previous comment by Elisabet to my previous blog entry)
Why are tumors so stubborn that they keep coming uninvited?
It's been about two years now since my metastases started and I'm still here, too, to share this difficult journey with you.
In my case, when it started it was liver and right hip bones mets. My treatment worked, but now it's liver again, left hip and left femur, a spot on a rib, a spot on both humerus and a node somewhere in my thorax. I'm going to be given new drugs, too and I may need radio on my left femur at some point, as it's starting to hurt.
In the meantime I keep counting the blessings and being thankful to... to what? Life, yes, that's it! I'm thankful to life for all the good things, moments, experiences that has given me in the past and also thankful to life now to still be able to walk, to breathe, to enjoy food, to wake up every day and see the sun, the rain, the clouds... the little surprises.
I think that the more complicated our illness gets, the more we treasure the simple things.
If this is the journey that life had in store for us at least we can share it and fight it together. Life gave us the gift of our connection. Let's keep seeing every single day as a gift...
Why are tumors so stubborn that they keep coming uninvited?
It's been about two years now since my metastases started and I'm still here, too, to share this difficult journey with you.
In my case, when it started it was liver and right hip bones mets. My treatment worked, but now it's liver again, left hip and left femur, a spot on a rib, a spot on both humerus and a node somewhere in my thorax. I'm going to be given new drugs, too and I may need radio on my left femur at some point, as it's starting to hurt.
In the meantime I keep counting the blessings and being thankful to... to what? Life, yes, that's it! I'm thankful to life for all the good things, moments, experiences that has given me in the past and also thankful to life now to still be able to walk, to breathe, to enjoy food, to wake up every day and see the sun, the rain, the clouds... the little surprises.
I think that the more complicated our illness gets, the more we treasure the simple things.
If this is the journey that life had in store for us at least we can share it and fight it together. Life gave us the gift of our connection. Let's keep seeing every single day as a gift...
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Scan Result 31/10/2012
My CT Scan yesterday last paragraph
"Impression:"
"Previous left mastectomy for breast carcinoma with increased size of brain metastases, but no evidence in the chest, abdomen or pelvis"
"Stable bony lesions at L1 and L5 vertebrae."
It means that my other parts are clear execept brain. I still have multiple lesions/tumors in the brain to sort out. In short, I am well so not to worry. If I could survive 3 years, I could last few more at least. my oncologist not happy with the result and he will give me chemo, maintain old drugs and prescribe new one. This time, no disagreement from me, so I just did chemo today.
Time to eat. Its a blessing that I found this vegetarian caterer (behind B-suite hotel) and dad will cook some fish or organic chicken to ensure I have some meat.
Also thanks to friends who show concern about scan result.
"Impression:"
"Previous left mastectomy for breast carcinoma with increased size of brain metastases, but no evidence in the chest, abdomen or pelvis"
"Stable bony lesions at L1 and L5 vertebrae."
It means that my other parts are clear execept brain. I still have multiple lesions/tumors in the brain to sort out. In short, I am well so not to worry. If I could survive 3 years, I could last few more at least. my oncologist not happy with the result and he will give me chemo, maintain old drugs and prescribe new one. This time, no disagreement from me, so I just did chemo today.
Time to eat. Its a blessing that I found this vegetarian caterer (behind B-suite hotel) and dad will cook some fish or organic chicken to ensure I have some meat.
Also thanks to friends who show concern about scan result.
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