When cooking becomes a challenge

I think that most people undergoing chemotherapy would agree with the following statement: it is basic to have someone who can help you with daily cooking; it is a NEED!

Cooking requires a lot of standing up there, in the kitchen. I cannot stand up for a long time because of the lesions in my bones. Besides, after spending half a day in hospital for tests, visits, treatments... by the time I get home I feel so tired that I'm not able to cook. Fortunately, I have two to three close people who can help me in this task, even though not every day. So, what I do is to cook when I feel well enough to do it and then use the freezer to store some half-ready meals. After all, cooking healthy food is not so difficult. I don't cook very elaborated dishes, I tend to be practical and spend as little time in the kitchen as possible. However, I do like to prepare my own food because I can control the ingredients and do it to my own taste and needs.

It is also good to locate a cater food place near home in case of need. It can be a small shop, where home-made meals (as simple and healthy as possible) are made to take away. You can also locate one or two restaurants where you can make sure that the food suits your needs and that it's good for you. Going to a restaurant can be a nice outing when you feel well enough to go. It doesn't matter which day it is: any day is o.k. to celebrate life.

I would like to thank once more all of you who read this blog. It is such a nice surprise to find all those comments from friends of YS who now regard me as their friend too, even though we may not have met physically... it really warms my heart and nourishes my soul. You say that you are with me. Let me tell you that I am with you, too. Fighting together makes the battle easier to bear and it draws many smiles on our faces. Thank you and love.

When taking a shower becomes a challenge

Two days ago I started the new chemo treatment. This one is heavier than the tablets, but I hope it works well. It is a very good treatment, quite new, and it has proved to work in many metastatic breast cancer patients. After the first session I'm feeling very tired, my bones ache, so I spend time lying on bed, sleeping, watching some TV... doing nothing. It is good to have a small TV in the bedroom (better with integrated DVD player, so that you can watch some videos or films that you like). I never wanted to have a TV set in the bedroom but recently, I must admit, it's been a very good idea. It's a good entertainment, sometimes.

A simple thing like taking a shower may become challenging when suffering from a serious illness: to have to stand there, on a somewhat slippery floor, to make all those movements, wash hair, not being able to bend your body so much as to reach your feet... really tiring and challenging. But I still can do it, so I feel happy.

Well, let's see how the treatment goes, but at this point in my life sometimes I tend to think that nothing is so serious. We tend to regard our life as a right, not as a PRIVILEGE, and we tend to think that death is the worst that can happen to us. But it's not. Suffering from severe physical pain is much worse. However, while we are here, I think it's worth to do our best in order to live as full as possible. Is it possible to live fully while suffering from a life-threatening illness? Yes, it is. Priorities change, that's all. It all consists in continuously adapting to new situations. And again, that's life: an always changing and unpredictable thing. Acceptance of what happens to us is very important because through acceptance we can see the positive aspects of what, to the eyes of others, would be a completely negative situation.

And again, LIFE is what matters. Death does not. We must learn to differentiate.

New treatment

Unfortunately, I don't have such boring news today. My latest CT scan shows that there is an increase in size in my two liver lesions. I also have slight bone ache, sometimes. This means that the oral chemo I was taking has stopped being effective. The good news is that there is an alternative treatment for me, which I will start on the second half of June, after detox time.

I was suspecting something of the sort, as my body was starting to warn me. I can't say I am happy with the news, in fact I've been sad. But I am hopeful that the new treatment will work and that the lesions will be reduced again. No need to be alarmed, especially when my oncologist sounds so calm and confident about the new treatment working well on me.

It is hard to keep a fight like this going every day and assuming the psychological burden and the ups and downs that it implies. However, I am far away from losing hope and I am happy to enjoy a good quality of life (meaning being able to do the daily tasks, being able to listen to music, read books, have walks, take showers, enjoy food, enjoy the company of friends and family...). Happy to keep buying time, as Yin San would say. I keep fighting for her too, she wished that I could maintain this blog that she created (we will always be co-authors). The thought of her keeps encouraging me, I have the best example in her way of fighting this journey.
I'm not going to disappoint you, my friend. I also do it for you.

Time flies

How time flies! I realised it's been almost one month since my last post. Not that I have anything special to say today, but just thought I would write a little to let all of you who read this blog regularly know that I'm doing fine. I've just been immersed in my routine, going to hospital for usual tests and visits, but also reading, cooking, doing the daily tasks at home, and trying to have walks outside. This last part is difficult lately because of the constantly changing weather. It's a surprisingly cold Spring, this year, very rainy and windy. So, as I don't want to risk getting a cold, there are days when I have walks at home, up and down the corridor, from the dining-room to the bedroom and back. It's a bit boring, of course, but it's a way to keep active, to keep exercising.

Well, that's the exciting news I wanted to share today  :) :) :) 
But I'm just happy to share these boring news, as that's a sign that everything is well under control.
Boring news sometimes are the best news!!!

Walking (2nd part)

I realise it's been almost 2 years and a half since I'm having a CT scan every two months. CT scan was something so rare to me before... and now it's become part of my routine. I don't even get nervous when I go to hospital to have a CT scan done. Of course I get a little nervous when I have the visit with my oncologist and she tells me the results. But then I love it when she says: "Good morning, the scan is o.k." And then she goes on: "Ok, now let's talk a little bit: tell me, how are you?" She's real nice! Well, that's what's happened this past Monday, April 22nd. So I go on with my chemo tablets, which I can take comfortably at home.

I post some pictures here related to my previous post, about Walking. In the outskirts of my hometown there is the countryside, and I love having walks there. There are many different spots that I like, and that's one of them. I always think about YS when I have these walks, I let her accompany me... As I wrote to her once:  

This is where I walk, I walk my thoughts of you...

    

Walking

It's amazing how radiotherapy keeps being effective weeks after it's been done.
I'm happy because it's been very effective: zero pain in my left femur most of the days. So, I gradually increase my exercise: very simple exercises at home, not forcing at all, not carrying any weight, but just some stretching exercises, very mild, doing it very slowly. I do it one leg at a time. Then what I enjoy most: going out for walks!!! No slopes, flat areas, but absolutely rewarding. I started walking for 20 minutes and gradually improving it. These days I can walk for 1 hour non-stop; even more than that if I stop to sit down on a bench for a while (let's say 10 to15 min) or if I have a sit at the terrace of a bar, while enjoying some fruit juice. Now that the weather is getting warm and nice in my latitudes (spring is here) I can really enjoy my walks and my time out.

So, doing this on a daily basis helps build up my stamina and strengthen my muscles, which is very important, as the muscles help the bones, and can prevent them from fracturing. Of course I always take my stick with me; not that I need it so much nowadays, but it helps especially to prevent me from stumbling and falling and so that my hips don't have to carry the weight of my body all the time.

Needless to say, these walks are also a balm for the mind and spirit. I feel happy and invigorated afterwards.

Gratitude

I would like to express my gratitude to all of you who keep reading this blog and also to those who write comments; I read all of them and I very much appreciate your words of encouragement and understanding. Thanks to all of you!

I'm doing fine physically and emotionally. The grief for the loss of my beloved friend is well under control and I am cheerful most of the time, which is my usual self. I smile and laugh, when the occasion arises, in my daily life. Laughter and sense of humour are powerful healers. When I feel sad I think about how lucky YS and I have been to know each other and to share so many things, and a similar outlook to life, apart from our fight against cancer. I see it as a gift from life. And then I also think that she would be happy to see me fight and enjoy life. Had the situation been the reverse, I would have also wanted her to be happy, to keep the fight going, and to live life as full as she could.

I was struck by an article that she wrote here, in the blog, on Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I happened to read it a few days ago. If you want, have a look at it. The title is: Grieving and Healing.

Time ago I heard the following quote while listening to the radio. I don't know who the author is, but it goes like this:

"The first thing we do when we come into this world is to cry. Let's try to live our lives in such a way that when we depart from it, we do it with a smile."

I forgot to share this quote with YS, but it doesn't matter because she already knew...
And so do I...   :)

By the way, I continue juicing and doing my daily exercise, which consists in... walking! Something we do without even paying attention to it when we are healthy, but really good exercise for everybody, and for me now. I miss swimming though... I used to go swimming after work (I tried to do it at least once or twice a week) and sometimes also aqua-gym... oh, I miss it so much!!! But I feel lucky and grateful to life to have been able to do it for many years. I also liked playing tennis... Ah, fond memories... :)